We all have been hit with losses during this pandemic. For some it’s questioning whether they will get to attend their senior prom or if there will be a graduation. Many people have lost jobs or loved ones. Schools are closed and parents and their kids are figuring out how to do school at home. Many are missing church and spending time with friends and extended family.

How can we help our families during this crisis? It isn’t easy for me, but I have learned how beneficial it is to name what I am feeling. So when my husband, Dan, gave me an article to read by Brad M. Griffin: Naming Loss and Gratitude with Young People in These Uncertain Days, I read it immediately. This article explains the importance of helping our kids to name their feelings, and then look for ways to be grateful without discounting what they have lost. I believe this is relevant to adults as well as youth. Brad suggests writing losses and gratitude down on a piece of paper in a location that is visible for everyone.

After reading Brad’s article, my husband and I decided to create our own grateful/loss list on a large paper that we hung on the living room wall. We are encouraging our young adults in the house to write what they have lost and what they are grateful for, as are my husband and I. Having family nights again was on the grateful list, therefore my husband decided to transform this into a quarantine family night. He wrote on pieces of paper different ways we could spend our evening. We each chose one activity we wanted to do.

Our family loves March Madness! We all fill out a bracket every year, and the winner receives a trophy. My son put this on the loss list, so we had our own March Madness competition; fortunately, for me, we did not play basketball. Instead we did our own variation with movies. The five of us nominated sixteen different movies a piece, and Dan made those into a bracket. Then we voted on movies that were pitted up against each other until we came down to the final 2 and we voted on the winner. In case you were curious, our winner was A Few Good Men, which we watched later.

Since not seeing friends and family is a loss that we all felt, another person in my family chose to video chat or call grandparents and interview them. Before calling them, my family and I came up with questions to ask about their lives. For example, where they were born, what was their favorite childhood memory, how they met, etc. They all loved sharing and we found out details that we didn’t know before. We also chose to connect with other family and friends over Facetime, ZOOM and Skype. Although, it is not the same as seeing someone in person, I am thankful we have the technology to have contact with people in our lives.

Since Dan found many ideas we loved, we ended up spreading them out over the whole weekend. There are some we still haven’t done yet, but we may get to in the next few weeks.

Most importantly, pray….pray for your kids, tell God how you are feeling and ask for wisdom in helping your kids through this time of uncertainty. Don’t feel like you have to fix their loss or have all the answers, just listen and let them grieve over it. Finally, gently encourage them to think of things they are grateful for and name those. And then spend some quality time together!